You Have To Get Lost To Find Yourself

Something I've learned is that when your pour all of yourself into something you care about, and then something compromises your attachment to said thing, it becomes very easy to lose yourself. One of the most painful things that can happen when you love someone or something too much, you can lose yourself and completely forget that you matter. I am a person who loves with all that I am, and can get very attached to someone very quickly, especially if they show me a side of themselves not many others see. When a person I cared so much about decided I wasn't worth their time anymore and abandoned me, a major part of me disappeared. No longer was I the Hannah I'd come to know, I was simply a shell of that person, filled with despair and bitterness. This continued for many months, until one day it hit me, and all I could think was "What am I becoming? This isn't me." And then one day, it just clicked. I remembered what was important, and how far I'd come. I realized all that mattered was what I think of myself, not what others think. I remembered all the things I'd overcome throughout the years, and how at times, I thought I'd never get out of those dark places. Looking back, it just makes me smile because despite the hardships, I'm so proud of the person I've become. I remember quite clearly the day I found myself. Before I met this person, I sang all the time. I danced in the shower. I was shamelessly myself. When I met this person, it was pointed out to me that my singing was wrong. My dancing was weird. Being myself was too much. When he left, I stopped. I didn't sing anymore. I didn't dance anymore. I wasn't myself anymore. Then one day, I woke up, and I was actually in an okay mood. I looked outside, and the sun had just risen, so it was at my favorite time of the day, where everything was dewy, bright, and full of life. It made me smile, which is something that hadn't been happening that often. I sat outside in the beautiful weather and decided to read, something I hadn't done in a while. Without realizing it, I began to find myself in the pages of the novel. The realization of what was happening hit me later that day, and I was taken aback. That night, I decided to sit outside and contemplate it, the stars looking down upon me as I did so. I found myself pacing under those stars at midnight, and I remembered the world is much bigger than I am, and there was so much more out there than what I had had with that person. I found the warmth of living and breathing after all the tragic. I found the person I was before I realized bruises weren't just physical, they were internal, too. I found her. I found the person who still believed that life is good.